On the Mend...

I guess that I can say that, at least for the moment. Things here are going well, or as well as can be is how I should phrase it. For the last few weeks its been rather crazy. Princess got some type of virus that consisted of vomiting and loads of diarrhea. It last over a week with her ending up in the hospital for an overnight visit with and IV placed for dehydration. She was such a trooper through the whole thing. We had minimal crying and we got to spend some time together alone at the hospital which was nice. Then she went back to school for a couple of days and her asth*ma started to really act up. Nebulizing didn't even cut it, so we ended up at the Specialist office to come up with a new plan. Lots of medications that must be given to her twice daily and her not really enjoying it. I am hoping that we are all on the mend, because if not I just might loose my mind.

As far as Little Miss, she is actually doing fantastic. She is such a smart witty little girl. She loves to sing, dance, plays very nicely by herself, and is doing great at Pre-School. We decided to sign her up next year for another day at her Pre-School. So she will now be attending it 3 times a week. I love this since one of the days it seems that is when they do the most fun things, such as make play dough, bake cookies, and make a lot of home made items. I am looking forward to it, since one of the days I am actually going to get some free time to myself after I get both of them off to school. It's going to feel like heaven for a few hours. I haven't gotten that much free time in a long while. I figure that day I can get my errands done while they are both in school.

M is busy as ever, and work for her is crazy…..we talk about it on a daily basis of moving closer to our places of employment. I don't see that happening any time soon, but maybe in a few years we will re-evaluate the situation. For right now, it just doesn't seem like the right choice. For one, Little Miss would need to go in full day care for the time being until she could go into kindergarten and that won't be for another 2 years. And Princess would have to go into before and after school day care and that would cost us more that a mint. Although with these gas prices you have to wonder. Another whole subject to talk about for another day.

We are also in the works for a trip that we are going on in 2 weeks. I am so looking forward to it. This has been a trip in the works for any months and even though it's for a short time the place that we are going is much warmer than here and the people that I am going to see are super special. I will update on the trip when we get back. Hope everyone is doing well and I will update really soon!

Long Overdue

I am trying to apply my time more efficiently these days. With both work and home life being crazy I just don't seem to have the time to blog like I used to. I always seem to have a post lingering in my head but haven't found the time to sit and write. Writing is a true passion of mine. I used to sit for hours writing, and believe it or not, I have actually saved most of my journals from when I was younger. Some times I even dig them out of the closet and read them again. Remembering when life was so simple. All I had to worry about was what I was going to be doing for the weekend and with which friend. Since becoming a Mommy I have found that time is just to important to sit and take up time to write about me. But yet again, this is what I need to do sometimes to keep myself sane. So I am going to try and do at least a weekly posting about what has been going on and where my mind is at.

So today the project for the subject will be about my overall health:

Such health has been great, although it seems that after said last pregnancy my body thought that spotting was the way to work. I talked with my local OBGYN whom I go to for routine care and it was decided that I would go in for a "routine" D & C.

Such procedure was scheduled for 2/11. I arrived at 7 AM for day surgery. I had my IV placed, very nice drugs placed through the catheter and felt awesome.

I woke up feeling okay overall and was discharged just 45 minutes after said procedure.

Got home and lay on the couch to relax. After about an hour I had to go pee. I got off the couch and went down the hallway and at some point I guess I didn't make it to the bathroom. I passed out. I crawled to the bathroom because not only did I need to pee I was going to have diarrhea in my pants.

As I sat there I wondered what the h.e.l.l. hit me. I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be this painful.

I relaxed some more and by Saturday and Sunday felt okay, but not great.

Monday I went to work and took the said pain medication that was prescribed to me since I don't really like taking medication just so I wouldn't be painful during work.

While at work I thought I was going to die. I lay on the floor wondering what I should do. I decided I needed to go home. The only problem is, I work 35 minutes away from home and didn't know if I was going to make it. It took 4 trips of stopping to vomit before I even made it into the driveway.

Tuesday I placed a call to my doctors office at 9 AM as soon as they opened. I left work at 3 PM. I got home went to go to the bathroom and when I got out noticed that I missed a call on my cell phone that was on vibrate and it was said doctor telling me that she was leaving the office and to contact her on Wednesday. That was at 4:19 PM

Wednesday I got to work and felt about the same but not worse. No vomiting or anything. I decided to not call her and wait it out.

Thursday I worked and by the afternoon before leaving work it felt like a horse had kicked me in the stomach as hard as he could or another thought did 500 sit ups.

I got home took some pain medication and shower and went to bed. During the night I got up a couple of times and thought, "wow, this is really painful."

Friday I got up as normal, got Princess ready for school and on her way and took Little Miss for a couple of errands that I needed to do. While out I thought, " my gawd, I think I'm dying!"

I headed home to rest and waited for M to get home. When she got home I told her I needed to go to the hospital.

I drove there with my aunt and got in to the ER. When I got there I just sobbed. They got me in and placed another IV catheter and pain medication. Morphine wasn't even cutting it. I was taken to have a CT scan and it was determined that I have a perforation to my uterus, and was full of blood/puss.

I was admitted for 3 days and placed on 2 IV antibiotics that was given to me twice daily.

I went home on Sunday with minimal bleeding. Only to return to the hospital on Tuesday for heavy bleeding.

Doctor said it was normal, had an ultrasound and it was still determined that I was full of "shit". Placed on two antibiotics and told to go to my regular OBGYN.

Called the office and got in to see her on Wednesday. She couldn't believe it, said that "maybe" something happened by my c-section scar. Did examination again. She felt okay with her findings and wanted me to continue on the antibiotics for 4 weeks total.

Woke up in the middle of the night with my head in the bucket vomiting violently. Called her Thursday to discuss my concerns with how large of a dosage of antibiotics I am on and that I am sick as a dog. She called in a prescription of Zo*fran.

I am hoping to be on the mend now. I just feel queasy if I don't take the nausea medication first.

Overall though, very thankful to still have my girl bits in place. Nothing is supposed to be harmful long term. I can still get pregnant. And I am looking forward to that at some point. :)

In a nut shell, life at the moment has been so crazy. Hoping for it to settle soon!

Changes Part II

So, where was I? Oh yes right, snow…. We have had far to much snow these past few weeks and lots of snow days to add to the mixture. Snow days for the kids along with me missing work to stay home with the kids. Things at my work have been rather crazy in that there has been a lot of tit for tat, he said she said kind of thing. My boss for the most part is pretty easy, but with my last pregnancy she had a difficult time understanding it all. So much so that when I was ready to come back, I didn't know if I would have a job to go back to. After a lot of tears and wondering I did go back but not 8 weeks from my delivery date but 12 weeks. She had hired someone else right before I went out of work and I think that lady was supposed to take over my position. I think she might have made herself out to be better than she actually was, so when I came back things kind of fell back into place as they were before I even left. Lately though, I have had a feeling that this said woman was trying really hard to get rid of me. It has all felt like the game of Sur*vivor. Who can outwit, outlast, and outplay one another. I love to watch that show, but I would make a bad player. I hate to lie, and I certainly am a paranoid person, always wondering if someone is talking about me or doesn't like me. So, over that last few weeks things have been going down hill. Last Thursday was the boiling point, and my boss had, had enough. She fired such woman, and it was a day from h e double l! I went home that day stressed to my eye balls wondering what was in store. Unfortunately I don't work Fridays so I had to go through the weekend wondering what really happened over the weekend. I cried buckets on Friday wondering what I should do. I started checking the Internet for new jobs, looking into school. What avenue would I ultimately take? I placed a call to a school to check out the Med. Assistant program, and went to the school on Saturday with my parents while M stayed home with the kids. I thought it might be a good choice but after talking with my Mom, my ultimate goal has always been to become a Reg. Nurse. I either want to work in Labor and Delivery or the NICU. I have begun the process to get myself going, and get back into the swing of things. I dug out my diploma and looked up my GPA. I was astonished to realize that I maintained a 3.97 grade point average and graduated with honors, and was in the honor society. I also put myself out there and sent my resume to a local center where M and I began the long journey to become parents. They are looking for a part time Assistant to schedule appointments for their AI program. Right up my alley. I got that call yesterday, and had my phone interview with the woman who runs the program. It went well, and she wants me to come in to have my formal interview next Thursday, only problem, I thought the position was just part time, it was told to me that in fact it is part time, but temporary since the person whom usually has the position is out on Medical leave. I don't know what to do now, I would love to still go for the interview just so I can get my feet wet, and talk with her that if something comes up sometime to give me a call. But to travel an hour away from my work to go to this said interview, pay for parking just to say that, has me once again questioning my decision. I can not take a temporary job, not now, not ever. So what should I do? What would you do? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Changes

I have been on Face*book for sometime now. I have a hard time deciding what I should and what I shouldn't say on Face*book. I have people whom I like and know, but I still have a hard time in writing everything down there. I have always found my blog to be my safe haven (if you will) to write what I truly feel. I thought a couple of weeks ago that I would invite everyone from my Face*book account to come and view this blog. Then I became the person that I usually do. I tend to get nervous as to who is reading this. I want to be able to come here and write whatever I feel and not be judged on what I might be saying. So I changed the blog name, again. And will only give this site out to people I want to read this.

Anyways, change is in the works at this household. Things have been very busy with this household. About a week ago Little Miss got hand, foot, and mouth. Not a big deal for most children and actually she has had it before. What the problem was, was that she didn't want to eat or drink anything, and I mean anything. 24 hours after Grammie J bringing her to the doctors, M and I ended up at the hospital because she hadn't peed in 24 hours. She was admitted with an IV catheter placed and ended up having 2000 c.c.s of IV fluids before she would even think of peeing. She only ended up peeing 200 c.c.s at that point, but they were just happy that she did anything. We ended up being released later that day. Things on that front have been better. Although who will know what the future holds as far a sickness in this house since this weather is so wacky. Speaking of weather, we have had far more snow than I ever want to see and wouldn't you know that we are heading into having another snow storm this coming up Wednesday. I don't know how much yet, but if you look out the window and see what is out there now, I don't even know where they are going to put anymore. The City is already over budget and we aren't even half way through the winter season. To be continued…..

Moments In Time

Today is the first Friday that I have been able to be home on my day off. Usually there seems to be something that must be done.

I woke up this morning to M getting ready for work and Little Miss thumping down the hallway to our bedroom. I don't know if M was to loud or if Little Miss just being Little Miss and decided today would be that day that she would get up at 4:30 AM. Either way she ended up in our bed. M headed out the door and Little Miss continued to talk, and talk. Finally falling back asleep at 6 AM when it was time for me to get up to get Princess going for school. I woke up doing my normal routine of getting Princesses lunch box around and packing her back pack. I got her up and in the tub to play some while I picked up the house. I got her dressed and ready finally finishing up getting her some breakfast. All the while Little Miss was still asleep in my bed down the hallway. Princess and I talked about what she would be doing in school today and what would be happening during her day. I got her dressed to wait for the bus. We waited and waited because it was her first day back after this huge snow storm that we the other day creating the city to be in disarray for a couple of days and school being out for two. The bus finally arrived 10 minutes late, but not to bad if I say so myself. I came inside to Little Miss waking up and coming down the hall only to proceed to call for Princess. It was rather a sad site. She called and called only for me to tell her that she was on the bus going to school. She had the saddest little face with the quivering lip and all. She wanted Princess to stay home and play with her. I felt so bad….These are the moments in time that I wish I could just stop time.

Time just doesn't seem to stay still long enough. Each day I seem to wish the day would go quicker. Especially the days when I have to go to work. From the moment I get up in the morning and get ready I am already wishing that the day would be over. It's not that I don't like my job, but I find myself longing for a job that I feel so passionately about. I hope in the near future something will head my way for me to do it. But for now, I am going to try and take each day as it comes and enjoy it. Like they say take a lemon and turn it into lemonade. I feel like my kids are growing up way to quickly and I so much wish I would and could have more time to enjoy the little things that are going on. So today while Princess is at school, that is exactly what I am doing, enjoying my time home ALONE with Little Miss. She is loving all this attention, and I am loving this moment in time with her!

BC (Before Children)

I was just going through my computer and came across some pictures that I find amazing! These photos are from before we became a couple, to becoming a couple and then becoming married.

It's been 14 years that we became a couple. That we said that we would be together and only us. I was 15 and she was 17…..It seems like yesterday but yet I know logically it's been sometime. We have been through so much. Death in our families, a divorce between my father in law and mother in law, the death of our beloved dogs, to trying and becoming pregnant. Then doing it all over again for the second time. It amazes me each and every time I see my other half with our kids. She is such a strong, thoughtful, caring, Mom. Our kids adore her, and she adores them even more. I am so happy to call her my wife, best friend, and just so glad that we have got to experience this life together. I can't wait to see what 2011 brings to our household. I know that this year is going to be very exciting. Together with the love from my wife it will all come together. I am so thankful for her support.

I love you M! I am so glad that you are mine!! XOXOXO

Just Sitting and Thinking

For some reason tonight I am sitting in bed getting ready to shut my eyes for the evening but thought I would write some before bed.

Yesterday was a great day. I had a lovely letter sent to me, and all I can say is that I am delighted. Two reasons that I can't really go into here, but are two great things that will be happening in 2011 for my family. I am looking forward to it all.

Also, as I sit and think about everything, I just begin to wonder. M and I have been talking for some time about having a 3rd child. At first a while ago when I came into some more vials of our donor I talked with M about having a 3rd. She wasn't interested at that time. Then over time she was the one that actually brought it up to me. We discussed it all and after some talking she decided that she would really like to have a genetic child even though she doesn't want to carry him/her. I got some vials and stored them for safe keeping still unsure what the future would hold. We went to our RE that we used to conceive both our daughters and talked about the process. Cost wise, I wasn't all that concerned since it is way less for what we paid to have both our daughters. But I still sit and wonder, how will we do it? Will we be able to provide each child what they will want? Not so much what they need, but what they want? See we have really created monsters already. Princess at the ripe age of 5 got a power wheels at the age of 1 and the presents have only gotten bigger from there. I*Pod, New D S I, you name it this kid has it. Little Miss on the other hand, doesn't request as much. She loves to go to the store and play with the toys but doesn't ask for much. We still get her what she wants but for some reason I guess she isn't as big of a diva. The biggest gift that she had asked for was a John Dee*re tractor just like her Papa's. She got that for her birthday this year. I just have so many things swirling in my head. I want a 3rd baby so bad of our own, yet wonder what life would be like. I know there is no right or wrong answer, I just wish I had a crystal ball to tell me what the future holds. We shall see I guess....